Kakuzu's Question
by Satiah
Summary: Hidan habitually left either the lights or a dozen ritualistic candles blazing, so it was with some surprise that Kakuzu found himself in the dark as he entered the house, with nobody bothering to answer his calls. Too bad it didn't stay that way.


Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto

... ... ...

A rather dark and dreary house greeted Kakuzu when he finally returned home. There were no lights on—no candles, even—and there usually were quite a few of those. (Hidan stubbornly refused to "ritual" in a dark house for the express reason that his precious "Jashin" would not be able to gaze upon his glory in the dark.)

As far as Kakuzu was concerned, the gory mess could stay in the dark. There was nothing worth seeing. True, Hidan could be quite inventive when it came to performing rituals, but the end result always looked the same: a mauled and otherwise half-obliterated mess on the carpet. Where the "glory" part of it came in, Kakuzu did not know; perhaps he missed it one day, mistaking the lecture for some sort of crazy sermon…

Whatever the case, it still didn't explain why the house was dark. Turning off the overhead light was generally fine by Kakuzu, as it tended to save on electricity bills, but the candles were an absolute must for any inkling of sight at all in this place. (Especially while considering it was nearly pitch-black outside, as they were situated a few hundred or so miles from the nearest town.)

And Kakuzu knew how much Hidan hated the dark. It seemed that Hidan wasn't too fond of Kakuzu's idea of fun…something about how "childish" it was to lie in wait to scare somebody from behind a dark corner where they couldn't see you…(that confused Kakuzu again, seeing as the expletives that issued forth from Hidan's mouth after such a scare were hardly child-friendly).

But, yes, the lights were still off.

Regardless, Kakuzu had no intention of waiting out on the front steps until daybreak, so he went ahead and opened the door, fully expecting to trip over Hidan's mutilated remains somewhere in the middle of the living room. Or, perhaps, he'd trip over some "ritualistic instrument" (a.k.a. "stabbing tool") and wind up losing an eye. Well, if that were the case, it was better than losing his spleen. Missing an eye would at least allow him to join Deidara and Tobi's One-Eyed Club. He could see it quite clearly: Two Eyeless Akatsuki Welcome New Member!

…how frightening.

On second thought, he'd rather steal a new eye and try sewing that into his own head. He didn't need to spend any more time in the company of those two nitwits. Hidan's cursing occasionally got under one's skin, true, but at least he wasn't outright intellectually challenged; thank goodness Kakuzu wasn't partnered with one of the Dumb Duo.

Careful of his footing, Kakuzu tip-toed into the house, and simultaneously closed the door behind him. Figuring it best to warn Hidan of his presence (lest he get stabbed by the raging lunatic) Kakuzu called for his partner as politely as he knew how.

"RAT FACE! WHERE ARE YOU?"

Okay, so he bellowed. But at least it was a nicer message than what he was originally going to deliver. In any case, he didn't get much of an answer. So, either Hidan wasn't home, or he was angry and was ignoring Kakuzu again.

Well…gee…Kakuzu had already known _that_ much to begin with.

Relieved that he hadn't heard a war cry and the sound of a bloody scythe whizzing through the air near his head, Kakuzu decided that he was getting a little annoyed by Hidan's apparent lack of acknowledgement in Kakuzu's general direction.

Again picking his footing carefully (so as to avoid his shoes squish-squishing in slimy piles of who-knew-what) Kakuzu made his way to the stairs. There had been no noises, no disturbances at all, to suggest that anything living (sinister or no) had been residing downstairs. Still listening carefully, Kakuzu determined that there was no extra breathing to suggest that he wasn't alone.

Exhaling slowly…deliberately…Kakuzu ascended the stairs to the upper floor: the bedroom level. Very few rituals were held up here, as Kakuzu had expressly forbidden them after Hidan cut a swath in the floor and consequently (if accidentally) fell through onto the breakfast table below, spraying blood and hot coffee all over Kakuzu at five-thirty in the morning.

Pausing at the top of the stairs, Kakuzu listened intently for any noise at all…

Ah hah! There was breathing up here! So…Hidan _was_ home, the scoundrel.

Oh, never mind. What did it matter, really?

Slightly relaxed now, Kakuzu shuffled over to the room from whence the breathing was issued. In one smooth and sudden motion, he threw open the door, slammed it against the adjacent wall, and screamed bloody murder at Hidan for ignoring him.

"SON OF A HAIRY TROLL!"

"ME? _ME?_ WHAT ABOUT _YOU_, INSOLENT HEATHEN?"

"DON'T YOU TELL _ME_ THAT!"

"SERIOUSLY, YOU ABHORRENT—"

"I SAID _SHUT UP!_"

The following silence was slightly awkward, as it normally was after the two finished shouting at each other, for it took a few moments to figure out how to once again speak in normal tones.

Kakuzu sighed. "Why are the lights off?"

"Why? You dare to ask _why?_" Hidan spat back.

Kakuzu knew this wasn't going to go over well. Hidan could hold a grudge for _ages_ before he decided Kakuzu was worth even the smallest sliver of his forgiveness. For unknown reasons, this most generous and forgiving pardon of Kakuzu's faults usually coincided with the times that Hidan decided he needed something.

"Yes. Why are the lights off?"

"Why, indeed? Seriously, Kakuzu…"

"Cut the bull. Tell me why."

Hidan had rolled his eyes. Kakuzu couldn't see it, but he knew. He always knew.

"_Because_, you retard."

"_Why_?" This was beginning to try Kakuzu's patience considerably.

"Because you're fanatically stingy, that's why! You've neglected to pay off the electricity bill for so long, they cut the power."

…oh.

"Then why aren't you glorifying your Jashin by candlelight?" Curiosity had gotten the better of him...he had to ask.

"Because I was sleeping, meathead. Seriously."

Well, too bad for Hidan. Although Kakuzu didn't really feel any pity for his teammate. That lunatic had a nasty habit of waking _him_ up at odd hours, screaming in pain as he repeatedly stabbed himself in the abdomen…why self mutilation at two in the morning was attractive to Hidan was beyond Kakuzu's comprehension.

Kakuzu was only mildly aware of the intense death-glare he was receiving from his partner as he was still, not only wrapped up in his thoughts, but also sitting, in the dark. Although he did notice that, instead of stalking angrily off, Hidan had chosen to sit beside (but not too near) Kakuzu on the floor. A slightly annoyed "hmph" accompanied the motion.

Kakuzu sighed. "What are you doing?"

"Sitting here, you moron, pretending I can see and pretending that it's warm. What do you think? At least this way you won't trip over me while you go find those bills, you greedy pig."

Kakuzu was surprised to hear how quickly Hidan dozed back off into the peaceful world of sleep, his snores loud and as unabashed as anything else the immortal did.

Okay. So maybe they didn't have any light. Big deal. Kakuzu knew where to find candles. And the sun would be coming up in the morning. So it really wasn't anything urgent, and could probably wait a few more days...and besides, he hadn't heard Hidan shut his trap for this long in a very, very long time...

So with a smile, he decided the bills could wait. Kakuzu closed his eyes, and he too drifted off to a welcoming world of dreams, where the money from electricity bills never left his hands and immortal teammates lived in snoring silence for the rest of their lives.


End file.
